On Time

I don’t do well with endings. Some would argue I also don’t do well with beginnings. The long awaited event has come, but now that it has started the passage of time guarantees its completeness in the near future.

I like the lull between knowing and anticipating. When you’ve booked the flights, the hotel. When you’ve bought the ticket for the event. 

And sometimes the reverse is true.

Sometimes there’s an event in the near future that I dread. And instead of longing for the beginning I long for the end.

I try to meditate, to repeat to myself that one line that some writer once wrote. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

But I call bullshit. I cry because I want to cling onto the feelings of hope, happiness, anticipation. 

I cry because the passage of time scares me. Loved ones lost. Memories that fade. Wondering if I will feel this way again.

I wish I could hold the train of time. To negotiate one more minute, one more hour. To turn back the clock.

But I can’t. And nor can you. So be fully present. Live each moment deeply. Because maybe where the train is going is somewhere far more beautiful and wonderful than you could have ever imagined.