The Glass Shattered

I found out in a glass house in Brazil. 4:15 PM my grandma was declared dead.

Can you claw back time? Or can you string out all the painful memories in your mind, so you’re only left with the good?

But is that any better? Dollarama toys. Ice cream in $0.50 sugarcones. Pingu reruns. She used to cook this soup, with melon. She would cook for my mom and send us back with food. When was the last time she cooked us soup?

The last time she recognized my name, or my face? The last time she said she loved me and meant it?

Something broke in me at that moment. The news I knew was coming, that I was dreading. Served to me 7000 km away.

Popo, I hope you knew how much I loved you.

I loved you 7000 km away.

I loved you when you cooked me soup.

I loved you because you were one of the only people in the world who would call me by my Chinese name.

I loved you when you used me as a walking cane.

I loved you when all I could do was comb your hair as you sat in your wheel chair.

I loved you even when you didn’t know who I was.

I will love you when you become dust again.

And I will love you until we see each other again, whole.

我永远爱你