Weekly Musings V - The Inner Circle
“You are not a problem to be solved, you are a human to be healed”
Despite the title, this is not a post to try to indoctrinate you into a cult with me. It’s more of a play on words of my own inner circle - and my current journey to untangle how I operate.
I’ve always been 1 part analytical, 1 part emotional. Although I feel emotions deeply, the way I process information or categorize the world is into structures, processes and systems. So it’s no surprise that the way I try to understand myself is similar.
There is a level of granularity of yourself you may never fully understand. Although we can speak in abstracts of enneagrams, myers-briggs, clinical diagnosis’, attachment styles, etc there is a point where the road to introspection is no longer productive. And as much as it is part of human nature to understand and be curious, there are limitations to this.
I find it fascinating that we could believe that we know oneself so intimately and then once paired with a partner or a friend realize that we only have one specific piece of the puzzle. I believe this is because we choose, whether consciously or consciously, to ignore these darker parts of ourselves for fear of lack of control (at least that’s how I see it).
My own inner circle feels like a complete maze half the time, where I frankly don’t hold the solutions to. And this is a conundrum I come up to half the time. Maybe I’m not meant to be solved. Maybe there isn’t a linear solution to any of this. And maybe lack of control isn’t bad. There are parts of me specifically that I’m trying to work out - and I’ve realized it’s important for me to give myself space and kindness as I do this. It will not happen overnight. This type of healing and growth is not quantifiable.
I’m trying my best to offer myself grace as I embark on this journey, and to hold space for the emotions that are hard - and I’m grateful for my circle of friends and partner who’s on this journey with me too.
If you’re on this journey too - I hope you know how courageous you are and hope that you can focus on the growth and not the outcome. You are not a problem to be solved, you are a human to be healed.
